Every week, come hell or high water, I throw down a mini rant on Facebook which I call the Friday Nite Sermon.
This has gotten to be a popular feature with all my FB buddies. And since it seems that an ever growing number of people here on LinkedIn don’t appear to differentiate between the two sites, I figured what the hell…why not share it.
After all, it is the era of re-use, reduce and recycle, so here is a selection of my recent Friday Nite Sermons for your reading pleasure. These are very aggressive little pieces, but for me they are part of my ongoing therapy.
Sermon 1: On The Common Cold.
As many of you are probably aware, I spent the week feeling like anywhere from 8 to 12 lbs of crap in a 5 lb bag thanks to a cold.
While I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself, because that’s all I had the energy to do for a couple of days, I wondered just where the hell this thing came from. The conclusion that I came to, was that because it’s really an airborne virus, it could have come from literally anywhere.
This is kind of scary when you think about it. I mean, suppose one day the cold virus decided to mutate into something more severe. That could really screw a lot of people up. Especially when you consider the staggering number of people who decide not to stay home, drink plenty of fluids and rest (or can’t afford to), when they get a cold. No, they’re just out there spreading the joy around.
This could cause a real epidemic. And the way things are in the world, I can see this as a scary possibility. Oh, God…we’re all doomed to be done in by the SuperCold!!!!
Ooops, sorry. This is what happens when you are pumped full of downer antihistamines for your sinuses and DM cough syrup for your chest.
BTW… thanks for all the organic cold remedy suggestions, but after many years of this shit happening over and over again and having tried everything imaginable, I have concluded that the common cold is, purely and simply, unbeatable. All you can do is tough it out and walk around with a box of that nice lotiony Kleenex under your arm and blow baby blow. Amen.
Sermon 2: On Why America Is So F**ked Up.
Since I live in Canada my view of America has been distilled from the media I expose self to, names PBS, BBC World News, Fox News & CNN. Here is what I have concluded from info dispensed by that motley crew.
If you want to know why America is so f**ked up, here it is in a nutshell:
Half the country hates the other half because of their political beliefs.
Half of the right wing haters are idiots who let other idiots tell them what to do.
The idiots who tell the haters what to do are controlled by or part of the uber rich, who are actually idiots themselves because they are trying to bankrupt all the people who made them uber rich in the first place.
All the right wing haters criticize the government despite the fact that the left wing President has, pretty much singlehandedly pulled the country out of the worst recession in decades.
The South still hates the North because people down there never got over having their slaves taken away from them. And now they’re worried about having their flag and their guns taken away too.
If I lost you somewhere along the way, it’s because this situation is f**ked up beyond actual belief, and your brain probably just shut down.
It’s OK. You’re not an idiot. But if you live in America and you’re not an idiot, chances are very good that you are being victimized by them.
That’s how f**ked up this is.
PS: Don’t think about moving to Canada. We have refugees a plenty at the moment. Amen.
Sermon 3: On Twitter
Recently Twitter has been making noise about expanding their post limit to 10,000 characters.
To me this simply means bigger promotion and more bloated stupidity. I have tried Twitter twice now and have failed to fall in love with it both times.
Tim Thorney an FB friend, and one of the best songwriters in Canada, is in the process of disconnecting from Twitter. He wrote a post about it today and this was my comment to him.
“Twitter is the bad sci-fi movie part of the Internet. Some people tell me they know how to make it work, but I think they are full of shit. I only use it to post blog links. I have no interaction with anybody there because the site is filled with idiots and trolls, which you have discovered for yourself.
My definition of Twitter…it’s where famous people get turned into assholes by other assholes. If nothing else it’s a great equalizer. And a massive time suck.”
I know there are people out there who like Twitter. My daughter likes it for the news. But there are also a ton of people out there who think it’s a useless piece of crap. I’m in that mob. Amen.
Sermon 4: On Media Generated Fear
In this life you have a choice of how to live.
You can live in fear that terrorists will blow you up or some crazy will gun you down. Or you can live without fear, because the odds of either of those things happening are right up there with you winning some big lottery.
How you avoid living in fear is simply by disconnecting from the people and media that promote fear as way to get control over you.
When you see fear being promoted 24/7, it’s easy to become fearful, because that makes it feel like there is a lot more danger in the world than there actually is.
But it’s all bullshit. These media just need stuff to show you in between commercials. Take any single image of ISIS terrorists or crazed American fanatics like Donald Trump and measure just how much time those clips get on CNN throughout the course of a day. It’s a hell of a lot and it’s all designed to scare the shit out of you.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Just disconnect.You can do this because, living without fear is your best option, and you know it. Amen.
Sermon 5: On Facebook Vs LinkedIn aka The New Bobbsy Twins
The main differences between LinkedIn and Facebook:
1. On Facebook you can say ‘fuck’ all you want. On LinkedIn, you will be crucified for it.
2. On Facebook everybody hates idiots. On LinkedIn idiots are tolerated because they are fun to toy with. We call them trolls and we are more than willing to give them enough rope to hang themselves, before we disconnect.
3. On Facebook, you can eliminate all the right wing assholes from your life. On LinkedIn they just keep on coming.
4. On Facebook people can have real disagreements and still be friends. On LinkedIn anybody who disagrees with anybody else gets a hissy fit thrown at them and nasty comments up the wazoo.
5. On Facebook, people post math puzzles and lots of people answer them. On LinkedIn people post math puzzles and everybody tells them that they belong on Facebook.
At the end of the day, it’s a wash. Just like the rest of social media which is slowly but surely becoming one gargantuan mashup which eventually will implode under the weight of its own strange digital hubris. Amen.
I am what’s known, in today’s world, as a Content Navigator. Through my own core skills as a strategist, writer & art director and with the help of a select group of insanely talented associates, I work with primarily B to B clients, large and small to create smart communications in whatever sector of the marketing universe their strategy dictates the need to travel through. I am also a mentor, blog post editor and a pretty decent photographer.
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