A Brief History Of The World’s Most Accomplished Sleazeball

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Donald Trump is a joke, an idiot, and a sleazeball.

When he was younger he thought he was cool, but he was really just sleazy. He tried to fuck every woman who was stupid enough to sleep with him. And there were a lot of them, sadly.

He got into the development business and almost immediately started fucking over his suppliers, figuring that he would come out ahead because so few of them could afford to sue him for the work they had done. Sleazy in business.

He got invited to appear on a lot of talks shows. And this made him one of the first people to become famous for being famous. The talk show hosts, especially Letterman, loved him because he was so sleazy and kinda stupid, so he didn’t exactly get satire, but articulate enough to make for good TV.

As he grew older, he got sleazier. His empire grew and shrank and he worked really hard to become accepted by the real billionaire class. The problem was he was just too sleazy for them. And some of them are pretty sleazy themselves

Along the way, he bankrupted several businesses and a casino. Casinos are licenses to print money and he fucked that up. That’s really hard to do unless you are really stupid.

He got into the beauty pageant business because he figured there were lots of dumb beautiful chicks that he could fuck because he was the boss. Doesn’t get any sleazier than that…or does it?

He wanted to buy an NFL franchise but the owners wouldn’t let him because he was too sleazy for them. So he got involved with a league that was competing for the NFL, and he fucked that all up too. But to be honest, there was nothing sleazy about that. This was just stupid because any moron will tell you, you don’t compete with the NFL.

Then he started to expand his real estate business around the world and realized that there were other sleazeballs out there that he could do business with. Mainly Russian sleazeballs. And because he thought he was smarter than they were, he ended up pissing off a bunch of them, who, in turn, coerced him into laundering money for them, which his companies are probably still doing to this day.

Around this same time, he starting getting into reality TV, where he could be sleazy in front of millions of viewers, many of whom were not so bright and would later form the core of his base. They are people for whom sleaziness is their normal state of being, and so he became their hero. It was one of the few times they could imagine a rich guy who was as sleazy as they were.

Finally, he got into politics. After a couple of false starts where he realized that sleazy would only cut it with a small segment of the public he retooled and bided his time. This was easy for a sleazeball to do because he still had businesses to bankrupt and suppliers to fuck over and a minor league TV empire that would provide him enough celebrity to believe he was a star.

At long last, he was on his way to his crowning achievement, Running the sleaziest primary and presidential campaigns ever, letting the Russians help with propaganda against his opponent. Gerrymandering voter districts in swing states, and generally taking the Republican party all the way to fascist on the political dial.

And here we sit, one year later, looking at America, fearful that the lunatics are running the asylum, watching racial hatred, homophobia, Islamophobia, sexism, environmental & fiscal irresponsibility all boil over to the point where sleazy has become world’s perception of America.

It’s neither fair nor accurate, but in this sleazy age, perception is reality.

And Donald Trump has finally gotten his wish and become the undisputed King Of Sleaze.

Jim Murray is a highly experienced advertising and marketing professional. He is a communication strategist, mildly opinionated op/ed blogger, writer, art director and broadcast producer. 
He is also a partner at Bullet Proof Consulting. http://www.bulletproofconsulting.ca.
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On Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jimbobmur
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